Charlie Bavington @ C Bavington Ltd

French to English Translation Services

Meeting translation needs since 2003

Does this ever happen to you?

(If you lack the time or inclination for a whimsical pastiche, click here to get to the serious homepage.)

"I say, Jeeves"

"Sir?"

"What's this bally incomprehensible nonsense?"

"It appears to be a communication in French, sir."

"French, eh? Why can't these foreign coves speak English like everyone else?"

"I am given to understand, sir, that when ladies and gentlemen whose native tongue is not English attempt to communicate in that language, the results are occasionally less than satisfying."

"I see. The thing is though, Jeeves, that I haven't a dashed clue what this person is trying to tell me."

"This problem is not without a solution, sir."

"It isn't?"

"No, sir."

"Ah. I know. I'll just shove it over to one of Aunt Agatha's nephews. I believe one of them is studying for some test in French which is looming in the none too distant. He's a brainy blighter. Have it done before you can say 'la plume de ma tante', what?"

"Regrettably, sir, that may not be the ideal solution."

"Not what you had in mind, then?"

"No, sir. If I may draw a parallel?"

"Draw whatever you like, Jeeves, with my blessing."

"Thank you, sir. I was merely going to draw a parallel with my own role, that of gentlemanís gentleman."

"A role you are frightfully good at Jeeves. As I was saying to the chaps at the Drones only yesterday."

"Thank you again, sir. My point was going to be simply that, were I to become indisposed or unavailable, I would venture to suggest that sir would be exceedingly unlikely to call upon the services of a schoolboy."

"No fear, Jeeves. He may be a brainy blighter, but I wouldn't trust him with the Wooster dinner service."

"Indeed not, sir."

"No, well, you fellows have had years of training and experience and so on. A chap knows where he is when his gentleman's gentleman is a trained professional, what?"

"Quite so, sir."

"I'm afraid I still don't see what you're driving at, Jeeves."

"There are equally well-trained professionals who are able to render the communication you are currently holding into your mother tongue, sir, thereby enabling you to fully comprehend its contents."

"Splendid idea, Jeeves, one of your best yet. You wouldn't happen to know any of these chaps, would you?"

"If sir would care to peruse the menu on the left, I think that sir will find all the information he requires readily available."

"You're a marvel, Jeeves."

"Thank you, sir."


Charlie Bavington is a freelance translator living in Barnet, North London, specialising in Information Technology and other topics indicated here.

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